straight out of murakami

i've just arrived in colombia, happy to see familiar faces in a sea of a pushing crowd outside bogota's airport. it's been just over 7 months since i started my journey and i've arrived in the last country on my south america trip. i've spent these months living and working, traveling solo, traveling with new friends and old, and now i'm about to begin a month of family time with a family i hardly know. in many ways, this was the most anticipated part of my trip. a place that i've imagined having roots in. in reality, i'm just as much a gringa here as i've been everywhere else on my trip. of course i realized this would be the case a while back but it makes me think about home and roots in general. in many ways, i'm very attracted to the idea of being rootless. being able to possess an adaptability any where i find myself. not being tied down to a place or people in order to be able to pursue exactly what it is that i want. so is the way of a solo traveler. i do what i want. i go where i want. i create what i want. i love that this is who i could be for this time in my life. living purely for myself for the sake of myself. as i consider next steps in my life, i wonder how long i can keep this up. can i possibly spend another year traveling? becoming accustomed to the kinds of temporary roots i've left all through out south america? living in paris for a year as a grad student would be very different from backpacking across south america but in a sense, its another form of escapism. in the depths of my heart, i can only picture going back to new york if i was with him. if he declared his love for me in a hopeful way like he never has before. but i realize this is asking way too much and that only my dreams and fantasies i've cultivated over the many hours of window seat bus rides i've experienced over the last 7 months can live up to my, well, dreams. it's in that space alone can i live out this other life. its only with the help of this fantasy alternative consciousness am i able to find the strength i need to keep moving. how very haruki murakami of me. i'm frightened by what'll happen once i've really realized that these worlds are in fact not able to exist simultaneously. distraction is crucial.